In all the hullabaloo I completely forgot, but I'll get more into this when I have a better opportunity.

February 2 was Bade's 96th birthday, yo They grow up so fast! Happy belated!

Psst! Bade doesn't like cake!

I decided a while ago to do something special on each character's birthday and how silly of me to forget already! I will go more in depth on this, but I'll tell you what the special celebration is so you can prepare for it come my next update.

In honor of Agent Bade's turning 96, I'm accepting questions you might have about this mysterious dude. It should be fun! And who knows, maybe our benevolent vampire will answer your questions himself! :wink:

SO! Happy belated, Bade! And we'll catch you next time!

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My first assignment for this semester of English has been a fun and difficult one, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on its topic.

The task was to “define art” in three to five pages, while being as specific as possible in regards to your chosen art form and presenting three points that prove to others your theme is true art.

Obviously, my chosen art form was writing. Writing horror to be exact.

My three points included:
1: Real artists will be able to differentiate between horror and slasher.
2: A master of horror writing will be able to terrify using both old techniques and original ones.
3: Real artists are able to utilize their style, voice, and overall talent to make sure audiences are never desensitized to the horror in their stories.

Many of you as authors understand what separates writing from other forms of art, and some of you are especially talented when it comes to the horror genre. So I’d like to hear your thoughts.

How would you define the art of writing? How do you think a true artist handles all their talent to create art? How big a part to personal values, ideas, originality, and talent play into it?

Go for it. Say whatever you want about any thoughts you may have. Your comments might give me a better perspective as well as some interesting additions to my paper.

So I've had how many updates since my last journal post? I don't know, I haven't been counting. But I've certainly uploaded a lot of things.

There have been a few updates to both Wendell and Gargoyle. Gargoyle is back on it's orginal track - the next several updates will be edited versions of the chapters my Gargoyle fans have already become so familiar with. Wendell, meanwhile, is all new.

Next, the most obvious changes have been the ones to my tag and my icon. I made them both myself (that's why I signed them with my "ZS" with the added Scorpio "M" where it would fit). So Livi-lan, don't take the change personal - the icons you've made me will always hold a special place in my heart! But I've wanted to make these things myself for a long time, and I like how these turned out.

And really that's all, not counting the quote of "Whence and whither, Zoma?" I added beneath mu name, which is a quote from the religious story where I got the name "Zoma"... Or at least, that's part of why I took the title. If you want to do the research, here's the wiki on it:

[link]

I'm not a big religious nut, but having been raised agnostic unitarian made Ben Zoma's reasoning VERY interesting - not many people thought about interpreting the way he did. Everybody else just believed, hence the quote "Zoma is outside". Not a bad thing, but not nearly as interesting to read about.

ANYWHO! I've been enjoying the updates, and I hope you have too! Much love to you all!
~ZS-M

Some of you have noticed I’ve been fairly active since the fiasco that was my home-life sent me cascading over cliff sides with the cliché sharp rocks and rolling waves at the bottom. Lucky me, I grabbed at the ledge at the last possible moment and pulled myself back up. I’m still dealing with tons of emotional strife, but I’m taking steps to avoid hurting myself and others (and I mean that in more ways than one). It’s official that I’m dealing with depression, and I’m still living at home with no job. But school looks like it’s going to be awesome, particularly English, and I have truly wonderful people looking out for me!

But best of all, my creative streak seems to have returned at long last!

I hope I’m not jinxing anything by saying so, but inspiration has been hitting me hard. All my projects are back on the table and being looked at with confident eyes. For months I’ve struggled with my writing, abhorring everything I attempted and scrapping it before it embarrassed me. What a weight lifted to reread the prose that has flown from my fingertips and find that I’m proud of it again! To write, to enjoy it, and to be proud of it! I missed that so much. And it’s what will keep me going forever! So thank you for sticking by me and giving me encouragement when I need it.

I am not yet looking to the beauty of the Heavens, but instead of looking at my shuffling feet I am looking toward the horizon. I am watching the sunrise and smiling because it is beautiful again.

Well, more like THROWN out, which was to be expected. I was finally physically thrown out. I'm not going into details about how this happened or why because it's a load of shit. This is just an update.

Currently I'm living with my two good friends, back and forth on different nights. It was wonderful of their families to welcome me as warmly as they did. I still plan on finishing this semester of college, but will be dropping out afterwards to work full time and save up for college in the future or a smaller class-load, taking out student loans and all that jazz...

I love you all. I'll try harder to keep in touch, but you probably won't hear from me for a long time...

And now I'm jobless too.

Thanks to piss-poor economy and divorce settlements that cut expenses in half, my employers have admitted they can't afford to pay me anymore. They also don't know how long this string of poverty will last for them since their jobs ebb and flow as easily as fashion (they work in the nightclub business). So now I'm totally clueless, completely fucked, and I'm finally scared.

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First of all, thank you everyone for expressing such concern and offering such generous help. It’s been very heartwarming and uplifting to know that even though we barely know each other, there are still some nice people out there.

Second, I’m ok, and I’m going to be ok. Arrangements have been made, plans, set. I’m working on everything and doing quite well.

So, here’s the story…

I spent a week in California with and a good friend and her family and spent a lot of time talking about the new year. I had plans. My friend’s family was willing to help us get a place together. I needed my license and a car, pay some vet bills, pay for college... I realized that all of this was in my power, and for the new year I needed a fresh start. To celebrate, I did something impulsive: I got my bellybutton pierced. That’s it.

Turns out piercings are against house rules. And my parents decided I couldn't live here anymore when I refused to take it out (I'm practically an adult, 19, capable of making small decisions about my own body when I work as hard as I do in everyday life. This piercing is so insignificant that I can't understand why they're making such a big deal of it). I figure, hey, I was leaving anyway with a resolution to take care of myself.

But to think my parents could be so stupid, so close-minded, as to kick ME, a hard-working and good person, out over something to miniscule... It's a control/independence issue, and I'm not letting them win, even if they cut me off.

Besides, removing the piercing wouldn't solve the problem. They'd still be oppressive and close-minded, like they have been for years. I can't live with people who think the way they do. I'd be moving out anyway. This just assures that they hate me as much as I hate them, I guess. If I can keep things civil and find by the end of it all I still love them, fantastic. In the meantime I’m feeling really betrayed here. Especially when my mother is turning the facts around (did I mention she’s irrational?) and saying that I’m the one walking out and that it’s all on me.

To them, being adult is being able to drive, pay all your bills. Maturity doesn’t come in to play at all. But I’ve been through a lot, am perfectly able to think clearly about these things. But they don’t see me as anything but some lame kid.

I know who I am, and I know I’m better than that, and I don’t need this. As long as I remember that, I’ll be ok.

Yeah, there’s a fair few people who are on my side of this argument, while others say I should take the damn bellybutton ring out instead of throwing away all they’ve given me. But if I thought taking out the piercing would help, I would. Except they'd still treat me like dirt, just like they have all year. And I know they've given me every opportunity in the world to have a good future, but I'm not willing to compromise to that if it means I have to give up my freedom as a person first. And I know it’s a shame that it had to come from such a small issue, but there’s some symbolism here and I can respect that.

Right now I'm still staying at my parent's house. I have a couple months to make arrangements: get my license and a car, give a few friends time to get a job and find a place, etc. And I'm aiming to get one more semester of college in before my parents cut me off. In the meantime I have to pay rent and do more chores around the house.

It’s an absolutely ridiculous situation and I’m sorry it’s happening.

Meanwhile, every free moment I’m getting is going to studying for my driver’s permit and eventual license. So There’s going to be another wait for updates. But at least I have a legitimate reason this time. And who knows. When this is such a stressful time and writing is so therapeutic, maybe I’ll pull something out my brain anyway!

Again, thank you to those who have stood by me and cared enough to pay attention and offer help. This is a period in my life where I need to keep my closest friends even closer. Thanks for showing me you’re all a huge part of that.